Don't even talk to me about love. I've been there. I've done the whole kissy kissy nonsense. It was one of the happiest seven months of my life. But guess what? We all have to take the good with the bad. People everywhere are telling you "Love is amazing! Love is the best thing in the world!" guess what? They're not telling you everything. I'll admit. In the moment, it was enthralling , breathtaking, I could never ever see any other life I'd want to live. Because that's exactly what love does. Love blinds you to everything. You only see you with your sweetheart. And while you're in that vision, that spectrum of how you can only live this kind of way forever, you become dependent. You never ever want to let this go. But when the cold harsh reality sets in and the stool is kicked out from under you, all you're left with is that noose you've unwittingly tied around your neck.
I've tried so hard. My hardest to just forget. But I see her every day in the halls. I turn my head every morning, and at lunch time when I walk into school just looking for her. Why? I'm looking for my poison. I'm so thirsty for another drop of that sweet escape. The feeling of falling through air with her and nothing else ever mattered. Guess what? She let go. And I was left to collide with the harsh pavement of the real world.
Your love is my drug. That's true. It's a drug that gets you higher than anything else can. So what happens when you're no longer getting your fix? At first you think "Whatever. That was dumb." then a few days pass and it's, "Where did it go?" weeks pass. You find your thoughts wandering to your special someone. You can't not think of them at every moment. It burns you up from the insides. Just a certain sound, a smell, a song, and you're right back into the abyss of love.
Every time my phone rings I secretly wish it's her. I'm tormented, tortured, believing nothing I do matters. Nothing I say makes a difference. She was my world, and now she can't stand the sight of me. I'm meaningless. It's been almost a year now, and it's still hard for me to get up in the morning with the thought of her in my head.
Don't fall in love. At least not in high school.
This hurt, because it reminded me of the person whose face I try to forget every morning.
ReplyDeletePlease don't be too bitter about it. It gets easier to forget. Even if it never really gets better.
"And while you're in that vision, that spectrum of how you can only live this kind of way forever, you become dependent. You never ever want to let this go. But when the cold harsh reality sets in and the stool is kicked out from under you, all you're left with is that noose you've unwittingly tied around your neck."
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, wow. Secondly, I love arrested development, which means I also love you.